literally had 100 drinks last night.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
barbara walters just said penis...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
