just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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