I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
