I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
