i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize