I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
