Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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