I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
