I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everyone says I win the strip club
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
