Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
