mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
