she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
