Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
