If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
