I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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