He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
