i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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