i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have surprise drugs for everyone
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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