it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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