Grow some girl-balls and come out already
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
