I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
