So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
