You really coming over, don't trick.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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