just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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