remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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