Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
