Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
