Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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