So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
