Me. At least after what I've been through.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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