Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
