Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
