I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
