I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
