i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
