He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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