You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
