guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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