For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
