Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
