she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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