Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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