Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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