You're so nebulous sometimes
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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