Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
