Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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