does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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