I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
