Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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