it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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