youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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