I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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