If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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