u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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