New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
