ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
