Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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