im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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