her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
birth control should be required to get into college
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
