The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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