erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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