Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
