Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
