Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
