glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
