just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
