i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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