She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
