I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
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