My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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