no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
