you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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