at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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