can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
