At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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