Your dad touched me again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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