Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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