obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
